Sunday, March 29, 2009

.... ... Lady looks like a Dude ... ....

Celia of ANTM 12
all Polaroids© Carrie Blaydes

Hi everyone, it's Marina Hermanovna, your italian lenswoman with a penchant for blogging.

This post is about androgyny.

I am afraid I got the inspiration from America's Next Top Model's 12, so if you thought only ignorant people watched this show... you were probably right, I am indeed getting stupider by the minute.
Now picture me shaking my hips to Tyra's infamous jingle (@0:30")  "Nananananana-Nanananananana - You wanna be on top?"  Who's getting dumber by the minute now?

Here's a couple of things I wanted to say about this show before you either fall apleep on your keyboard or you start banging your head against it until it bleeds.

- ANTM it's disgusting. It's addicting. It's like an obese woman dancing naked in your livingroom. You don't really want to, still you can't help it: you have to watch.
Young people should stay away from it.
I find myself refreshing my Youtube home page in the middle of the night. The re-refreshing it.  Damn, the latest episode is not online yet... I thought only Ebay could do this to me. Scary.

- The day Nigel Barker will be a "noted fashion photographer" I'll be the first woman walking on Mars. Wearing Manolos. And a clutch. Walking a chihuahua. Who'd be wearing custom made Louboutins. And its matching mini-clutch. 
Tyra, do you hear me? Stop ridiculing Nigel with this whole "noted fashion photographer" thing. Famous photographer do not participate in such programmes - they are way too busy shooting! They have agents! They do editorials for edgy magazines! They do not need to remind everyone that they are famous, because being famous is about people already knowing who you are!

all Polaroids © Carrie Blaydes

Paolo Roversi is a famed lensman. Peter Lindbergh is. Juergen Teller is.  Camilla Akrans is. Solve Sundsbo is. Alessandro dal Buoni is. Cécile Bortoletti is. These are truly talented and successful photographers. 
WARNIG: Please rince your eyes several times with any of these true artists' work before jeopardizing your retinas by staring at Mr. Barker's pictures.

Some of Celia's ANTM work 
"click on the pic to enlarge it!"

photo © Mike Rosenthal

photo© Fadil Berisha

photo© Brian Edwards

Nigel is neither talented nor successful, I guess we are not going to see any of his work on Dazed and Confused or on I-D anytime soon.
(just take a look at his horrific website; the most "high fashion" shoots he did are in fact ANTM's, and the big budgets and Tyra's artistic direction barely cover up his blatant lack of talent.  The rest is... let's just say any TopShop lookbook looks way better than anything he did.Here's NY Mag take on Mr. Barker as a photog: it brings the ROFLS).

- Tyra Banks knows a thing or two when it comes to scouting ugly-pretty models. Here's two of my favorites:
Allison aka "Bride of Chucky":

... and Celia aka "Walter's twin sister". 
Girfriend totally looks like my boyfriend! And I like her! How creepy is this? 

Celia from ANTM 12 looks like my boyfriend!

They even smile the same way...
More photographic evidence: same high cheeckbones, square jaw, strong chin, short nose with a small hump, masculine forehead, deep inset eyes, see-through eyebrows, (and yes, he is blonder than he looks in this pic and of course he's got blue eyes).

-  Tyra Banks also knows how to entertain people = keep the ratings high.
That's why she keeps on casting "rating girls", models that have little to zero potential of making it in the real fashion industry, and she knows. 
This season is all about Tahlia. The girl is a burn victim (and needs to shed a few pounds as well, or add a few and become a plus size). I wouldn't recommend her to take up modelling.
This is the one job who made the most beautiful women in the world feel insecure about their looks.
The girl is already quite insecure: why baby girl, why? There are a million other ways to feel beautiful, and she probably chose the only job who is going to make her feel uglier than ever (I felt ugly when sitting at a casting sorrounded by 150 drop-dead cute girls, and I didn't have scars..). Tahlia, if you are reading this: they are using you and your story to make them richer, they do not believe in you as a model. No agency will hire a model with such big scars, believe me.  Do something else - you can be beautiful without being a model, you know.

So if you ask me who would I like to shoot from ANTM cycle 12 the answer is....
.. trannylicious Celia!

photo © Carrie Blaydes

Lady looks like a dude, just like me. She's my favorite (Allison is in my wish list as well). 
Since the very beginning of the show poor Celia has been targeted as "manly", as you can see in many YouTube comments and blogs

The bad news is that indeed, she looks like a man.
The good news is she looks like a very hot one! 
Fashion loves us baby, don't you worry about a thing. 

This post is about us Ladies who look like we had a penis - removed.

Yes, androgyny it's rad. It has its own edgy UK magazine.
Greta Garbo was one of the first famous chicks to rock this look - just sayin'.
Besides, I do not understand this obsession with female models and "prettiness" at all. 
Pretty girls were made for straight boys. 
Androgynous ferociousness was made for everybody else in fashion
(us 98% = women and gay guys) - and of course for the few straight boys who have a little fantasy and appreciate our unique beauty.

But androgyny need to be handled with care. If you have masculine features you want to look mysterious, not post-op she-male. The difference is all in the way you present yourself. 
A tranny is a man that tries hard to look feminine but cannot help having a square jaw: so if you keep you hair long with lots of make up and all the girly/sexy things you can buy, you won't look feminine, you'll  just end up looking like a drag queen (see picture below....).

Androginous babe's don'ts

If you want to look androginous - which is neither trannilicious nor butch - you have to create some sexy ambiguity through unisex attire. 
You are not a man. Yet you are not a woman. You are simply stunning.
In the picture below some looks that always work in creating a hot androginous yet sexy look: gothic meets motorcycle gang, neoclassic dandy, lesbo-chic, 90's minimalism.
NOTE: If you still want to score a boyfriend, make sure you throw into your look one only hyper feminine item (I love to wear boyfriend jeans + checked shirt with heels and bad ass rings. But it can also be just about a sheer fabric, a bow, a necklace, a strap).

Androginous babe's dos...

What happens when I do not throw in such items?  I get mistaken for a boy (a dozen of times in 2009...). 
Here is  a gallery of androginous top models plus some pictures of me. Enjoy.

Today's androginous female supermodels...

Yes, these are all female supermodels.

Omahyra Mota is one of Jean Paul Gaultier's muses, just like Aggy. 
I met Mr. Gaultier in person and not only he loves us androginous creatures but he also is a sweetheart.

Here's a few pictures of me, shot by my friend Chloé:
and here's  a light test I did for Cécile Bortoletti, an amazing photographer I work for as an assistant (coming soon: video backstage of her latest editorial !)

light test:  Cécile Bortoletti

And here's some self candids I took back in October, while modeling for Maison Martin Margiela. The first one with the wig was just a joke.. 
But how did I manage to look like a man in drag - I have no idea. Let's just say in Jair Sfez's words (that's also photographer I'm assisting)
"You look like a model... straight out from a Dior Homme campaign". Lovesit.

So here's my tips for you girls that look like boys and still want to look hot!
Do not try to fight it - embrace your androgyny.
If you grow your hair long you'll end up looking like a tranny (see pic). Wear it short (or a bob) and you'll look cute.
Do not wear bright lipstick: you'll end up looking like a viado on top of a chariot for Rio's carnival. Our features do not look good in heavy makeup: just do the eyes and (kinda) forget the rest... 
Steal anything from your boyfriends' closet, than wear it with killer heels. It looks hot on us!

self portrait in drag @ Maison Martin Margiela

self portrait as an Hare Khrisna @ MMM

self portrait as a fake candid @ MMM

I've always liked this mith of the original Androgynous Creature, before God split us in two halves that hardly understand each other, man and woman.
Why splitting the androginous perfection?
Now we piss differently and argue about that all the time. Very dumb move, if you ask me.

On the other hand, if we were still one there wouldn't be no sexy confusion of the sexes, aka androgyny. So I'm glad you did, after all...


m. h.


Lisa said...

Oh how you have been missed! I've always been jealous of you androgynous ladies... especially you're little-boy-bodies!

Marina Hermanovna said...

HI there Lisa,

I wish I could access your profile/ blog...

do you know why it doesn't work by any chance?!

Lisa said...

i had the settings wrong. it's working now!

stilettostetico said...

OOoooh YES androgony(whose Freja Beha is a steamy Ambassadress) can be Sexy, especially with a Blazer worn "à même la peau nue" ("Beads of sweat") . . .
ps: Actually Michel Comte (fleetingly) used to participate in the first edition of French "Next Top Model"(in 2005) . . . BUT just like on "ANTM" most of the official shootings of this show were desperately too "sterilized", without any "creative Soul" !!!

à Bientôt, Antoine

Hannah said...

Ahhhh I love Celia and this is def why! All of these pictures are really enigmatic and interesting. I dig the androgyny.

Eeli said...

lol this is such a funny and informative post. I really enjoy bloggers that actually have an opinion lol. I don't even know where to begin becuase it was THAT good. I agree wholeheartedly with a number of your points besides the whole Top model part since NZ is really annoyingly behind on that front! :(

Anyway, lovely photos to accompany that hilarious commentary! :D

fed&rico said...

The other frequent observation you'll hear by boys is why you, girls, always go to the bath together. It could obviousy be a silly one, but imagine Jack who tells Joe "hey, come on! let's piss togheter!"
However, i learn pieces of fashion by your posts and sei fuori di testa. that's nice.



ti invito alla lettura del 'rossio', pagina di informazione online che si legge in 5 minuti(non è un caso) in cui ho una rubrica di satira.(dettagli e link nel blog myspace).

Jack McCready said...

You're beautiful, androgony is cute sometimes, like you and Aggy know how to do it.

Margaux. said...

ANTM is terribly addicting.

autumn's darkroom said...

Yes! You finally updated! I love this post; I would love to do an entire androgyny series. I think I will...

Antonio Barros said...

Cool blog!!!

Stephie said...

Being an androgynous girl, struggling with feeling manly I adored this line -
"Besides, I do not understand this obsession with female models and "prettiness" at all.
Pretty girls were made for straight boys.
Androgynous ferociousness was made for everybody else in fashion
(us 98% = women and gay guys) - and of course for the few straight boys who have a little fantasy and appreciate our unique beauty."

That hit me HARD like a brick. So inspiring. This was a great post and I respect you so much. Thank you for those words, it really helps me hold myself higher.

Fred Pilsner said...

i'd only connect this song to the post.

Sorrisi da Melbourne,


Anonymous said...

cool! ur so handsome! I love the way you look.

Emily said...

I want you as my girlfriend.. You are so lovely

Gift registry said...

You should be thankful about how you look. It’s what God gave us and we are pretty and gorgeous no matter what.

House Manila said...

Stunning and absolutely gorgeous! You have nothing to be ashamed of what you look like.